Practical Courtship - Latest Comments

Re: 5 Reasons Why Single Women Should Leave The Nest

D.H. — Tue, 17 Feb 2015 15:47:00 -0000

I don't agree that women who live with their parents are without opinions or the ability to function in the world. I met my husband while I was living at home. The only reason I left was that we became engaged and he lived in the town where we met. And that was going to be the town where we would live because that was where his job was. It was steady and made more income than mine. I was not a "of course we will do whatever you say dear" woman. I had a feisty brain yet not feminist oriented. I was not that strongly attracted to a career outside the home. My birth household had always had a practical bent to it -- I knew first hand about the problems and joys of owning a home, how to maintain it, how to manage my expenses, etc, My parents never taught me my practical knowledge, I just gained it by seeing it in action and by being a voracious reader. When it came time in my marriage to buy a house, I did all the work a real estate agent would do -- we did not want one anyway. I could go on with this but will "rest my case" instead -- lol.

Re: Courtship Challenge #1: Identification

John Stevens — Tue, 06 Jan 2015 15:19:30 -0000

There are some forms of social dancing which fulfill the original role admirably – contra and square dancing – and have participated in them myself with great enjoyment. Unfortunately, they do not have the same position in society as they once had. In fact, one might say that modern communities as a whole are not conducive to identification.

Re: Courtship Challenge #1: Identification

Christopher_Hunt — Tue, 11 Nov 2014 14:55:03 -0000

If there is a great church community that you are a part of, that is obviously a good pond to fish in. If you are politically active, or active in movements like prolife, there are more ponds to fish in. If you are looking for a mate, getting involved in volunteering, and activism is a good place to find a match. There are luncheons, dinners, dances, regional conventions and such that you can involve yourself in.

As I am in my 30s, the single gals at the churches I would go to were all too young for me. I have always been very nomadic as well, so that created other hardships for my search. That is a digression, though.

I used Ave Maria Singles and Catholic Match. Ave Maria Singles sounded better, but there were far less people to talk to than I expected, and those that I did contact rarely contacted me back, or wanted a saint in a box. Also, there were often technical difficulties with the site, and the few times I had to contact customer support, they were dismal in addressing anything if they addressed it at all.

Catholic Match had a much larger pond to fish in, and I seemed to get more replies on that site than others. I did talk to girls on both sites, but found that many never want to get out of the emailing state. I dislike that as I am not one to text and would rather talk. That is one flaw that I see in this approach.

The good thing about online dating is that there are certain questions that are answered up front. There are interests listed, and so forth. This is a good first filter. For instance, I would not talk to someone that was not fully on-board with Church teaching. I preferred a gal that was leaning traditional and that was open to the idea of homeschool. I also wanted a partner that was able to, and would enjoy hiking and the outdoors.

Then I began messaging people that fit these criteria, and those that I began to interact with via message would either continue on in the email world, or drop off quickly. Then, it would go to phone conversations. (If the gals were persistent in not talking on the phone, I would end the correspondence). At this point, there were some that had personalities that I did not jive with at all. I met a few gals for coffee or a meal through this means as well. These filters seemed to work well in my opinion.

After a few years of using this medium on and off, there was finally someone that I was hitting it off with very well. She is from a different country (Mexico), lived over 1000 miles away, and we spoke/speak different languages. Our first conversations seemed disastrous, as we could barely communicate without Google Translate! The second conversation, 2 days later was much easier.

After 5 months, I flew to Mexico City to meet her, and a few months later she flew to Oregon, and we are now engaged.

We, as a people, no longer live in communities as we used to. Cars made church communities into communities of choice rather than communities of vicinity. Modern media and the public school system have fundamentally changed the majority of people in our society. There are now just isolated islands of like-minded, or semi-like-minded families interspersed throughout. The vicinity of these islands are often not close. I have concluded that, if you do not find a mate in your chosen church community (or activism, political etc. community if you are choosing to be active in movements or politics) then the online community is the way to go.

Re: 5 Reasons Why Single Women Should Leave The Nest

Brittany Collett — Thu, 02 Oct 2014 23:58:25 -0000

Just because someone came out of your womb does not make them a child forever. After all, it's not like "bang, ya get married; and now you are an adult."

Re: Courtship & Predestination

Brittany Collett — Thu, 11 Sep 2014 13:56:29 -0000

Well from what I call tell it seem as if people who are more introverted, don't really talk to other people(especially not the opposite sex) tend to be the ones that are becoming old maids; whereas the go-getter types who talk with pretty much everyone tend to be getting married rather quickly. So I am not saying this is conclusive, but I would think that if God predestined our spouse this phenomenon would not happen.

Also, maybe a particular couple really would do something AMAZING together and God predestined them for some special purpose, whereas others actually search for a spouse. Anyway, just an idea. :-)

Re: 5 Reasons Why Single Women Should Leave The Nest

Engineered Reality — Sat, 23 Aug 2014 14:14:12 -0000

As a man, I don't think there is any pattern that fits absolutely everyone. Personally, I think it's better for a woman to live at home until marriage if it's practical. Think of how much money could be saved and put towards her marriage when that day finally comes. If you have parents who's rules you are able to accept, that let you be yourself, and aren't controlling, why not live at home?

Re: Courtship Challenge #2: Interaction

Statalyzer — Tue, 19 Aug 2014 15:09:42 -0000

I don't think those are two distinct and separate categories. There have been times I thought God lead to me something but it turns out he did not. There are have been times I thought I launched out on something on my own but it turned out God was cleverly behind it all.

Re: Courtship Challenge #2: Interaction

Xeoncross — Tue, 19 Aug 2014 13:56:41 -0000

It still comes down to a single question though - did you decide to apply to that job - or did God lead you to it? It's about who is leading, not the details.

Re: Courtship Challenge #2: Interaction

Statalyzer — Tue, 19 Aug 2014 13:14:57 -0000

He's totally capable of arranging a job too, but I'm still going to send out a resumé

Re: Courtship Challenge #2: Interaction

Statalyzer — Tue, 19 Aug 2014 13:13:44 -0000

How dare a young single women take any action if she likes somebody? :/

Re: 5 Reasons Why Single Women Should Leave The Nest

Naomi Findlay — Tue, 19 Aug 2014 08:41:19 -0000

I just wanted to say thanks for this post Hannah - I moved out at the age of 20 - 3 years ago and was one of the best decisions I've made. It was terribly hard and my parents made things very difficult but that only confirmed my decision as being right.
Thanks Hannah. I agree w your points and was disappointed to read a lot of negativity in the comments.
I understand others may have different family situations, but for me leaving home was certainly the right thing to do with controlling parents who would not allow me to live as an adult in their home.

Re: Courtship Challenge #2: Interaction

Xeoncross — Sat, 16 Aug 2014 20:25:08 -0000

Great testimony, that is God's promise to us. We do what he says, he will provide the things we need in life.

"For the Gentiles eagerly seek all these things; for your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. 'But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.'"

God formed you in the womb, knows exactly what type of person you and your spouse will be in the future - he is totally capable of arranging your marriage.

Re: 5 Reasons Why Single Women Should Leave The Nest

Carol — Thu, 14 Aug 2014 14:53:43 -0000

I noticed that you reserved the right to censor comments and I respect your right to do so, of course, so not sure if this will "make it through" or not. I am not a Christian. I am not religious. The Golden Rule and LOVE are my guiding principals. Kindness, compassion, and love are, in my opinion, the absolute essentials in dealing with other people -- especially those who do not share one's fundamental beliefs. That might give you some insight into my philosophy regarding your post. Here's a concern/question that stayed with me throughout reading both the posts and the comments: There's a presumption throughout both the post and the comments that the father of said daughter is wise, compassionate, and wants what's best for his daughter. Most fathers do. But lets say that a father is controlling, disrespectful, and emotionally abusive (as in, disregards, belittles, and subjugates his daughter). Let's say that he chooses who she associates with, what she does, where she goes, and even that he demands that her personal beliefs mirror his own (which, ironically, if they are not hers, makes them actually NOT her personal beliefs...). This can be the makings of a dangerous relationship -- both between father and daughter and between the daughter and the world. At 18, a woman is legally an independent individual. There's a reason for this -- and granted, it is not biblical. It is because she has an adult brain, an adult body, and is developmentally able to make adult decisions (unless she has been brought up or taught NOT to do so). In my opinion, keeping a fully adult woman at home under her father's control and his roof, especially if she has no choice otherwise, is abuse. My husband and I raised our kids (now all 20 and 30-something professionals) differently than most here, so I'll acknowledge that from the get-go. We encouraged them to go (away) to college at 18, encouraged them to date a variety of people, encouraged them to be fully independent while always welcoming them home and loving and supporting them fully as adults, and acknowledged that a good marriage includes many types of compatibility (including sexual) that should be explored before a walk down the isle. A woman who is controlled by her father (and I see a mandate to stay at home after adulthood as controlling) is destined to never have a truly equal, independent, mutually respectful, and strong relationship with men. She will, instead, always see herself as subservient to men. I know that is a tenet of some religions, but it does an individual woman no good at all, IMO.

Re: 7 Reasons Men Wait to Get Married

Lexical Cannibal — Thu, 14 Aug 2014 10:45:54 -0000

There are some seriously problematic assumptions with #6, based on the idea that all men are after in a relationship is the sex. This implies that A) women are less sexual than men which is patently untrue and more importantly B) that men are apparently incapable of valuing a relationship on any metric besides sexual output. As if I'm unable to appreciate the direction, support, and companionship given to me by my lady, with whom I am both boffing and happily planning an engagement with.

Re: Courtship Challenge #2: Interaction

ws — Thu, 26 Jun 2014 12:35:19 -0000

Haha yes ladies! Learn to be frugal! :)

Re: Courtship Challenge #1: Identification

ws — Thu, 26 Jun 2014 11:45:59 -0000

Good words Vaughn.

Re: Courtship Challenge #1: Identification

ws — Thu, 26 Jun 2014 11:40:11 -0000

If dating in the american sense, emotional and physical involvement and no commitment with multiple dating partners, it contributes to taking the easy way out. No longsuffering practiced which contributes to divorce. Not to mention the memories of past relationships emotional and physical encounters.

Re: Courtship & Predestination

John Bekepu Ikwen — Thu, 12 Dec 2013 09:30:03 -0000

I believe in serendipity

Re: 7 Reasons Men Wait to Get Married

Steven123 — Sat, 06 Jul 2013 08:47:02 -0000

Do a search on "Dr. Helen Smith's New Book, "Men
On Strike..." " If you want the truth... There's video's out there on this too!

Re: 5 Reasons Why Single Women Should Leave The Nest

Ann — Wed, 17 Apr 2013 21:45:41 -0000

Wow, this whole 'living with your parents until married' thing is new to me! I'm surprised by this movement and it seems a bit legalistic, if you ask me. Christ gives us freedom. Living on your own, or with same-sex roommates is not a sin. I lived with my parents after college, before marriage at 24, only because I couldn't find a job and therefore couldn't afford rent. It went fine, but I always wished I could've lived on my own, with other girls. My sisters who have lived on their own are better equipped for the 'real-world' than I was (and still am). God's path is different for all of us. We have to pray about every situation, so why not this one?
Also, what if a girl gets married really late in life, or never gets married, under these 'rules,' is she supposed to remain in her parents' house? Not trying to be disresptectul here, but yikes!

Re: 5 Reasons Why Single Women Should Leave The Nest

Ann — Fri, 23 Nov 2012 23:41:52 -0000

Ok, I was totally understanding your comment until this :
"..for sexually mature women there is an arousal component to headship, and I believe it's completely inappropriate for an adult woman to be under the headship of her father. As a submissive woman you want to belong to the man who keeps you under his authority body and soul, it's only natural."

Ew! Gross! I lived at home under my parents' authority from age 23 to 30 (I'm 40 now) and NEVER did your "arousal component" apply to me. That is so disgusting and rather twisted thinking. No, I don't think it is only natural. That comment is so foreign to me I...I never thought it or considered my father in a sexual way. Ugh..makes me sick to even see that last sentence typed on the screen. Nor did I ever belong to my Dad.

I need to go surfing somewhere else and get my mind of of your comment.

Re: 5 Reasons Why Single Women Should Leave The Nest

Shpirti — Fri, 23 Nov 2012 18:07:43 -0000

Sorry that comment posted before I was done, what I mean is, why would a father allow a daughter to get to the high 20s before brokering a courtship for her? My sisters and I all knew by the time we were 16 who was intended to court us, and were setting up our own households by 21. I just can't imagine how hard it must be to wait for women whose fathers won't step up and do that.

After all the most important gift you bring your husband is your fertility, and what good is that doing anybody when you are aging under your parents' roof?

It seems to me this whole discussion is a problem that creates itself because suddenly there is a time between childhood and marriage, so people are not sure what to do with it. If you avoid that problem in the first place, problem solved!

Another reason to avoid the problem -- for sexually mature women there is an arousal component to headship, and I believe it's completely inappropriate for an adult woman to be under the headship of her father. As a submissive woman you want to belong to the man who keeps you under his authority body and soul, it's only natural.

Fathers, please don't neglect this duty. It's arguably the most important role you have in the upbringing of your daughters. Are you congratulating yourself on raising children to be godly men and women of character and then failing to do what it takes to let them graduate to be what you raised them to be?

Re: 5 Reasons Why Single Women Should Leave The Nest

Shpirti — Fri, 23 Nov 2012 17:49:55 -0000

The thing that strikes me when reading these comments is, where are the fathers??

Re: The Importance of Being Balanced

graet adoboe — Mon, 03 Sep 2012 12:04:46 -0000

how can i indicate my opposite sex or partner if he/she can not take me far to marriage ,thou she sound so committed?

Re: Courtship Challenge #2: Interaction

George — Mon, 06 Aug 2012 23:55:22 -0000

I think the federal reserve system which prints money for government employees (college required) and makes the money people get with the sweat of their brow of less value (money gotten through work for the private sector) the laws against younger people working and making a living, has made it harder to make a living early (and therefore marry early). Watch the goals of the New World Order in the Georgia Guidestones... they want to reduce the worlds population by like 80%.... it is all planned, not a coincidence. I suggest that parents teach daughters to be frugal, so guys dont have to go to college to support them.